Staying home

I had to drive up to my office today, to meet a coworker for a lunch meeting. While I was there, I took the opportunity to clear out some of the personal items in my desk. Since I work from home full time now, I hardly want to drive 45 minutes to get to the office, so I am never there. In about a month, I will be quitting my job. For the next two years while we are in England, I will be a stay at home mom. I started working when I was 16 and from that time on, have always worked. When I first got pregnant with Bean, I thought about being a stay at home mom. It was a brief, fleeting thought, as my husband will tell you. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with her all day long, it was more complicated than that. I liked working, and I even thought it would make me a better mom. I would have my career by day, and I would be more patient with her, more willing to read book after book in the evenings. Family time would have more quality on the weekends. It would show her as an example, that a woman could have a career and a family. I never expected at that time all the guilt I would feel for working. Every time she was sick and I was torn between missing a meeting, not meeting a deadline or an angry boss. Every time she cried when I left her at school and every time I missed her so much it hurt to look at her picture during the day, feeling like I was letting her down by working. At the same time, I saw the positives of her being in daycare and preschool. She was very social and adaptable. She was learning things I was not even aware she could learn at such a young age –she flourished and thrived in that setting. It got even more difficult when I had Gerbie –the same feelings came along, but also, an even higher daycare bill. However, I have been fortunate to have a supportive husband through all of this. He has let me do what I feel is best, and when I have had doubts or have been upset, he has supported me through those emotions. I am looking forward to the next two years, because I will get to experience being a stay at home mom for the first time. It is the perfect time and opportunity. Gerbie is at the perfect age –too young for preschool, but old enough that we can have a lot of fun. She is a momma’s girl all the way –very attached to me. I will be able to take Bean to and from school, spend my day with Gerbie, and have the summer with both girls. I am going to cherish this time with them, and try to make it enjoyable for both. When we come back to the US, Gerbie will be ready for school, and it will be time for me to work again, but not in Human Resources any longer. During the time we are abroad, I want to renew my teaching certificate with online course work and renew my teaching license. This will allow me to be home with them when they are out of school. And that, I think, will be the perfect balance for me.